When you walk down The Street
and take the second right turn,
then walk forwards about fifty
paces, you will see Hole.
Hole will be almost perfectly
round, and may warp your vision
for a few seconds. You may feel
nauseous or queasy. All of this
is perfectly normal. There is no
need to panic or run away as you
all seem to do when faced with a
fear. Keep the adrenaline in
check: it is the only way you
will be able to succeed in the
task that has been thrust upon
your weak, fragile frame.
It is likely at this point that a
deep, existential fear may begin to seep into your mind through
the pores in your skin. It may
feel cold, and you may begin,
paradoxically, sweating. Hole
may also seem to be getting both
smaller and bigger
simultaneously; entrapping your
vision and fading out of mind.
All of this is perfectly normal.
There is no need to panic.
As you stand there, experiencing
these relatively minor side- effects it is important to
remember that none of these are
permanent, and that your mind
may be liable to falter when
experiencing these.
The above may last for quite some time (time may sometimes
seem to warp and, rather
rebelliously, change direction,
attempting to be free of its
universal constraints, so the
exact time standing there may
range from a few minutes to a
few aeons) but we would like to
stress that it will eventually
end.
After this, one of two things
may occur:
Your world around may slowly
fade down to a deformed
television-static of a palette of
uncountable, undiscovered
colours and miscellaneous lines
and abstract shapes, all mixed
into a sort of heterogeneous world of entropy. It has not been confirmed what
happens after this. or, in 98% of scenarios:
2. In a blink of an eye, Hole may
enlarge to fill up your entire field
of view, surrounding you with an
overpowering darkness and urge to
die, sometimes accompanied with a
sudden bout of nihilism, though this
can be treated with the small purple
pills™ that can be found in your
blue and yellow checked shirt’s top- left pocket and inserted into the ear,
allowing them to politely ask your
brain to calm down. DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN THE
RECOMMENDED DOSAGE OF THE SMALL
PURPLE PILL™. You may hear a small, slightly
annoyed, muffled voice for the next few seconds
As it is likely that you will
experience the second scenario,
the rest of this information
will be in regards to the second
scenario.
Once Hole has completely
enveloped you, it is recommended
that you close your eyes and
attempt to clear your mind of
all banal and otherwise
inconsequential tasks in
preparation for the last few
steps of the process.
As you do this, Hole will squirm
into your neuron clusters and
slide through your hippocampus,
eventually settling in your medulla (in rare cases, the
prefrontal cortex may be
colonised, in which case you
may forget where you are and
what you are doing).
Your feeble human brain may
attempt to prevent the next
step, through generating a
flurry of purposeless
thoughts about a range of
topics (family matters, ex- lovers and ovens are some
common things for
participants to think about
at this moment), but attempt
to ward these off. If this is
especially hard you can treat
these disagreeable thoughts
with the small green pills™ found in your blue and yellow
checked shirt’s top-right
pocket.
When you are compelled by
Hole, calm your mind once
again.